Every holiday season comes the time when the thoughts of graduate students at Cornell turn to the fast-approaching A-exams. More precisely, they think, "We'd better get them before they get us.". Hence, these attempts at theatrical productions. Although they are based on the quirks and idiosyncracies of faculty members, they should not be taken as criticism. The authors would prefer to think that everyone is laughing together, rather than at anyone in particular. And with this word of caution, we present... 1977, 1978, 1979, 1980, 1981.